Starry Eyed Inside Read online

  "I think you know.”

  "Tell me," he said, and I remembered the first time he said those words to me.

  "I just want...to feel you," I mumbled, chickening out. What was I supposed to say? That I wanted him to put his mouth a little further south? That I was curious about how he would feel in my mouth?

  "Yeah, I'm definitely not letting the two of you sleep in the same room," Nova said, popping up out of nowhere.

  Skyler kept his eyes on mine. "Bye, Nov," he said.

  She cackled throatily, floating away.

  "C'mon,” he said to me. “Let's just...go upstairs."

  "They'll notice."

  He knew I was wavering. "They won't."

  And just like that, we were out of the pool and wrapped in towels, on our way back upstairs.

  "I don't have a room key," I said, remembering.

  Skyler held one up. "I have mine."

  Lay Me Down

  The boys' room was freezing. Shivering violently, I wrapped my wet towel snugly around me like it would help.

  "Shit, it's cold," Skyler said, going straight for the air conditioner. The unit's buzz tapered off into silence.

  My hair was dripping onto the carpet. "I don't want to get your bed wet," I said, trying not to chatter.

  He shook his hand through his hair, scattering droplets of water. "Let's take a shower."

  That sounded like an excellent idea, and for a couple of reasons. We locked ourselves into the bathroom, and I sat on the toilet lid while Skyler got the shower started. The room filled with steam. I shuddered in relief as the chill began to leave my body.

  "I'm keeping this on," I said, adjusting my bikini top as I stepped into the tub.

  “You can keep it on.” Skyler snapped the shower curtain shut and pressed me against the wall, making sure to keep us under the hot water. It was almost too hot, but I liked it until it got between our mouths, pulling laughter from our kisses.

  Grinning, he slid us away from the shower head so we weren't getting hit in the face.

  I touched his mouth, thumbing the droplets clinging to his lip. We kissed, softly this time. I closed my eyes, letting myself go with it. I always let myself go with it when we were alone like this. I loved the way Skyler made me feel, fluttery at first, and then tingly.

  He reached up and touched my breast, first over my swimsuit and then beneath it, sliding the material aside so he could feel me.

  "Goosebumps." Bending, he licked the skin around my nipple before sucking it into his mouth.

  I slipped my fingers through his hair, watching him do it. His eyes snapped up to mine as he let go, coming back up to kiss me again. He pushed his body against me and he was hard again; maybe he'd never stopped. He nudged his leg forward, making me stand with my legs apart, and filled my mouth with his tongue.

  It was so easy to get caught up in him.

  Someone banged at the door. I jumped little, my eyes opening.

  Rocco's voice was muffled. "Nova's on her way up, man."

  Frankly, I was surprised we'd had as much fool around time as we did; Nova and Nara had eyes like hawks. Skyler held my face and kissed me one more time before backing up, fixing my top.

  "Warm?" he asked, turning off the water.

  "For now," I said, dreading returning to the cold. "It's gonna suck going to my room like this."

  "You want to borrow something?"

  There was more banging at the door. "C'mon Rory, let's go." It was Nova this time.

  "You have an extra shirt or something?" I asked, starting to shiver again.

  "Yeah, hold on." He tossed me a dry towel and wrapped himself in another before opening the door. I heard him mutter something about getting me dry clothes.

  Nova poked her head in the bathroom door, smirking when she saw me still in the tub. "Just so you know, I saw you guys as soon as you wandered off."

  "What were you two doing in there?" Niki asked, pulling on her pajamas.

  "Kissing," I said, wrapping a towel around my head. "It's not like we had time to do much else."

  "Would you have?" she asked, grinning slyly.

  "Probably.”

  She nodded, sitting on the bed she shared with Teigan. They knew all about what I had and hadn't done with Skyler. They knew what he wanted, and what I wanted.

  "Everything he does feels so good,” I said. “And I like him like crazy. I want everything he does, but I know I'm not ready for it. I feel like I'd know it if I was," I rambled, getting underneath the covers.

  "You'll know," agreed Teigan, emerging from the bathroom in a cloud of steam. "Not like it isn't scary, cuz it is, but it'll feel right." She hadn't slept with Rocco, but their physical relationship was further along than mine and Skyler's.

  Then there was Niki, who wasn't saving herself for marriage per se, but wasn't about to just give it up, either. She said she needed to be with Finn for a while, needed to be in love with him, before she got that hot and heavy with him.

  I was somewhere in the middle.

  I smiled, thinking about Skyler-in-the-shower, and how he went from goofy to serious to sexy to sweet. I loved it all, even when it was obvious he was just trying to get a reaction from me. Maybe especially then.

  After another long day at the parks, we left Orlando, so worn out it hurt to walk. I only forgot to call my mother once, and by that point I'd been so on top of it she hardly tripped.

  "I'm gonna sleep like the dead," Skyler said, yawning as he changed lanes to keep up with Nova and Nara. In the backseat, Rocco was sleeping so hard he snored, face pressed into Teigan's lap. Her sunglasses and headphones were on, but I suspected she'd passed out, too.

  "Me too," I said, catching the yawn.

  "No falling asleep," he warned, giving me his phone. "I need you to talk to me so I don't doze off."

  "I won't," I said, picking out an older song I liked.

  "Too chill," he said. "Play something loud."

  We'd stopped at Teig's house first, pulling into my driveway just as twilight purpled into evening. Skyler walked me inside, my backpack slung over his sunburned shoulder. Dad opened the door, of course, like he'd been waiting. “You're back. Thank God.”

  "Hi, Mr. Shepherd," Skyler said.

  "Hello, Skyler." He pulled me into a fierce hug, probably glad I was in one piece. "Rory. How was it?"

  "It was great. We had a lot of fun.” Wiggling from my father's clinginess, I turned to get my bag from Skyler. "Thanks."

  "It's cool," he said, his fingers brushing against mine. "I'll talk to you later, okay? I have to check in at home, too."

  "Okay. Talk to you later," I said, frustrated that I could hardly even talk to him after a weekend like the one we'd just had.

  Closing the door, I glanced up at my father, who was still hanging around with this silly little smile. "What?"

  Something between a smirk and a grimace. "You like that boy.”

  Here we go. "Yeah, he's all right."

  "Mhm." He peered out the window, watching Skyler drive off. "He better behave himself."

  "He does," I lied.

  "He better." With that he loped off toward the living room, back to his Law and Order marathon. He napped more than he watched, but that was his thing.

  I went into my room and collapsed on the bed, tempted to just fall asleep right there. My phone buzzed.

  your dad's still a scary mf

  he was behaving tonight, too.

  Another message came though about a minute later, as I started to doze.

  just got home. ttyl

  I messaged back and then kicked off my shoes, desperate to climb between the crisp, cool sheets and pass out. It was the best sort of tired, the kind that only comes after lots of fun.

  Spanish had always come easily to me, so it sucked when Ms. Valdez graded our pop quizzes Monday and I'd blown mine. Our weekend in Orlando had left me exhausted for sure, but I hadn't been focusing for weeks. Months.

  Knowing my mom could put me on lock down if my
grades slipped, I caught a ride home with Niki and hit the books. I couldn't afford to mess up any more.

  By Friday, things were looking better. I didn't have any major tests or reports due, and public schools were out on half day due to a district-wide teacher's workshop. Skyler texted during my science class, asking if I wanted to hang later. He'd picked me up from school a couple of times now, but we never had much time. Not on school days, when there was homework and sports and family obligations.

  Today, though, we had nothing but time.

  Instead of going to the beach or McDonalds or, God forbid, my house, he turned down his street. He lived in a nice neighborhood, pricier than mine but nothing pretentious. I liked it.

  "You know, I've wondered why we never come here.”

  "Someone's always here—Rocco, or the housekeeper. Or my Dad'll like, stop in randomly.” He pulled into the driveway and parked, grabbing his backpack from the floor by my feet. “My parents are down in Miami, though. Until late tonight."

  I left my hoodie and sneakers just inside the door of the Nolan's spotless foyer. I'd only been inside once or twice, but I was always struck by how bright it was. Generous with windows and skylights, the whole first floor felt open and airy.

  Skyler was already in the kitchen, halfway inside the fridge.

  “Rory,” he called.

  “What?” I called back, right behind him.

  He looked over his shoulder, grinning. “Oh. Hey. You hungry?”

  I shrugged, sitting on a bar stool. “Sure.”

  “I'm starving.” He turned with an armful of what looked like sandwich fixings and dropped it on the counter. “Turkey or salami? Or both?”

  “I haven't had salami since second grade,” I said. I'd lost a tooth eating a salami sandwich. It had been loose, but still.

  “I do both,” announced Skyler, draping meats and cheeses with the relish of a true sandwich artist.

  “Make mine like yours, then.”

  Moments later he slid my plate across the counter, sending a strawberry Fanta down with it. "We should go swimming.”

  "Thanks," I said, suddenly ravenous. "Um, I don't have anything to swim in."

  "Go in your underwear."

  "You'd like that," I said, taking a bite.

  He grinned, chewing.

  I rolled my eyes, pretending I wouldn't like it, too.

  "Wanna watch a movie?"

  Now that was something I could get behind. "Sure."

  He led me upstairs to his room, careful to lock the door once we were inside. It wasn't as messy as I'd anticipated, but it definitely looked lived in: an unmade bed and clothes hanging over his desk chair. Skimboards, surfboards and a skateboard leaned against one wall, which was painted a faded blue.

  "What do you want to watch?" asked Skyler, opening the laptop on his desk.

  "What do you have?"

  He rambled off a long list of names, and I picked something at random, too anxious to really care. Once again we were really and truly alone, and we would be for a while.

  After polishing off our sandwiches—Skyler was onto something with that salami/turkey combo—he rolled up a towel and tucked it beneath the door. He packed a pipe and lit up, taking a couple hits before offering it to me. I hadn't smoked in a while so after one pull I was fine. He put it down and opened his window wide, letting the room air out.

  "That tasted so good," I said, lying back on his bed.

  "I know. I got it from Sean's friend."

  We relaxed, talking, forgetting about the movie droning on in the background. And then there was that moment, the one we always came to, when our words tapered off and I knew he was going to kiss me. He tasted nice, like weed and strawberry Fanta.

  I shifted to my back, letting him roll onto me. Our kisses deepened.

  He reached between us and unbuttoned my jeans. I let him, lifting my hips so he could peel them off. He didn't touch me right away, though. We just kept kissing...slow, drawn out kisses. I felt like I was floating or drowning or maybe both.

  Skyler backed onto his knees, wrestling off his shirt. He helped me with mine too, leaving me in my bra and panties. I shivered, not because I was cold, and not even because I was nervous, but because I was into it. So into it, and by the look on his face, so was he. He rubbed himself against me, sliding down my body as he nipped and kissed my skin.

  "I like when you do that," I heard myself say; finally admitting how much it turned me on when he left hickies. It felt good when he was doing it, and it was like a secret later, when I was looking at them by myself.

  But then he went lower still, and my heart slammed in my chest. Was this it? What I thought about? What he alluded to? What Teigan wouldn't shut up about?

  He sucked on my stomach and then went lower, pulling my panties off altogether. My mouth went dry. I watched him, too nervous to move. At first, when his tongue touched me, it tickled. Giggling, I pushed his head away, which only made him go back and do it again. It stopped being funny then, and started feeling so good I thought I'd die. His fingers always felt good, but his mouth was a completely different story.

  I tried to hold still. I couldn't believe he was actually going down on me...and I didn't want him to stop. It felt amazing. And then he added his fingers. I was so wet it was almost embarrassing, but he felt so good I didn't care. Nearly incoherent with pleasure, I came, and for a second all I could think was I couldn't wait until we were actually having sex.

  He climbed back up my body and wiped his mouth. I pulled him down to kiss him, to thank him I guess, and I could taste myself, which was a little weird...but not bad.

  Before I could chicken out, I got to my knees and started unbuckling his belt.

  "You don't have to," he said, catching my wrist, but there was this crazy gleam in his eye that said he totally hoped I would.

  "Just show me how," I said, starting in on the button to his jeans.

  To my non-surprise, he let me get him naked. I'd never seen him this naked before. He must've been thinking the same thing, because he reached up and unsnapped my bra. I took it off completely, and then it was just the two of us and all of that bare skin in broad daylight. It was a little weird, but then again, he'd just had his face between my legs. If there had ever been a time for awkwardness, it should've been then.

  But I trusted Skyler...because I knew Skyler. I knew where he'd been the past couple weekends, because it was usually with me. His voice: the deep timbre when he was inches away, the amused yell when he was calling someone out. I knew his laugh, the fake one when he was annoyed and the breathless one when he meant it. The way he looked at me from his car, at school, when we were both surrounded by other people.

  The way he looked at me now.

  "Show me," I said again, getting between his legs. I lowered down and licked him, amused by how certain parts of his body could, like, move by themselves.

  He wrapped one of my hands around the base and put his hand in my hair, just barely. "Just... do what feels good, I guess. It'll feel good for me, I promise."

  "You gonna get mad if I can't swallow it?"

  He made a face, and then laughed (the breathless kind), falling back on his pillow. "I don't think I'm going to care at that point, Rory."

  So, I went for it. It wasn't too terrible, as long as I didn't go too deep. My jaw got tired after a while, so I used my hands for a minute. When I peeked up at Skyler, he was staring back, his mouth open because he was breathing so heavy.

  "If you don't want...you know...Rory...you might want to move.” His words sounded like they were being forced out.

  I didn't move. If it was horrible I just wouldn't do it again.

  His hand tightened in my hair, and then he let go. I sat up, panicked, and focused on not gagging. He pointed to a trash can, where I spat it out before rinsing my mouth in his bathroom. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't ice cream either.

  I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was crazy and my cheeks were flushed, but I was okay. I'd d
one it, and judging by the sounds Skyler had been making, I'd done a decent job. Him going down on me, though? That would have me dreaming for weeks.

  "Sorry," I said, going back to his bed. “I couldn't...”

  Skyler, who had put on his boxers, grinned lazily at me. "I'm not."

  We spent the rest of the afternoon fooling around in his bed.

  "I should get home," I said, pulling my t-shirt back on.

  Skyler yawned and got up, stretching. "All right. Give me a second."

  I wandered around while he was in the bathroom, looking at his things: pictures and books and postcards and sticky notes cluttered the desk. Receipts and empty water bottles. Little league trophies, track and field. Surfing. Surprised, I peered at the dates engraved on the bottom—the most recent was from two years ago. Had he totally stopped competing? I'd seen him catch waves with Rocco and the others, but—

  "Ready?" Skyler asked.

  "Yeah."

  He came toward me hesitantly, and then pulled me into a hug. My heart squeezed so hard I ached, and I hugged him back.

  “Is that your sister?” I pointed to a freckled girl with long, dirty blonde hair. She looked maybe eleven or twelve.

  He nodded, resting his chin on my head. “Phoebe.”

  She looked like Rocco, but her smirk was all Skyler.

  Back at my house, the smell of pizza hit me the second I walked in the door. I hadn't eaten since one or two when Skyler'd made us sandwiches, and I was starving.

  "Hey Mom," I yelled, giving myself the once-over in the hallway mirror before proceeding.

  "Hey, honey."

  I found her in my parents’ bedroom, looking through a box.

  "Didn't you guys have early release today?" she asked, frowning as she rummaged.

  I snickered inwardly at her choice of words. “Yup. You guys had it too, right?" I asked, steering the conversation away from me.

  "Well, my students did. I was in that workshop.” She glanced up. “I thought you'd be home when I got here."

  "When did you get back?"

  "About an hour ago."